So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
