saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
do herpes really smell.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
