i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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