Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
