I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
