I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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