i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
