I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
