She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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