Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
