Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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