He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
