i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
