i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
