Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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