Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
