Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Your mouth is God's brothel.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
