I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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