hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
