I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Life is so much better after having sex.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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