i jhust puked up my retainher.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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