Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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