Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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