so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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