false alarm. still invincible.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
