There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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