Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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