i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize