Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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