I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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