they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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