we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
