all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
