The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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