I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
