we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
