can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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