the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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