the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
