god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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