those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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