That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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