Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
