hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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