i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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