just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I want to be your penis for a week.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
