i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize