I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
