there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
