Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
