oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
