okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We had sex on a dog bed..
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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