dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
