So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
