Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
