Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
