I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
