Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
