I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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