Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
