somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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