so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
