yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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