I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
A bitchslap is in order.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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