so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
