I love black thongs
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We don't watch enough power rangers
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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