wat bout pragnant strippers??
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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