i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
