Apparently you make a good broom.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
