i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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