i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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