just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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