dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
