I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
