The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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