for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
