I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
