Your mouth is God's brothel.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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