After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
