just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
