my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
