there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
