She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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