What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
