I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
