I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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