WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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