How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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