I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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