I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i will never coherently bang her
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
