Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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